If you read this blog at all, you see that I haven’t updated in a while. Let’s talk about that.
2012 in review, in chronological order:
Whooping Cough (Jan-March)
Threw my back out due to herniated disc (Jan-June)
Asthma from mold poisoning at work (April-May)
Grad school burnout (Jan-August)
Weight gain due to poor eating/lack of exercise due to all of the above (all year)
GRADUATION with my Master’s in Library and Information Studies from FSU (August)
My car died and remains dead (September-present)
Flu-like sickness (November)
Minor depression due to all of the above (fall/winter)
Also:
I didn’t do any traveling, and I work two “part time” jobs that equal 40 hours/wk but do not equal a real paycheck, holiday pay, or benefits. I have a really bad cavity in a back tooth I can’t afford get fixed and always hurts, and I am worried that my cat also has problems with its teeth, but I can afford neither dentist nor vet. The eyeglass frames with my current prescription broke so I’m using my back up pair with woefully out of date lenses because new frames = expensive.
BUT ALSO:
I was fortunate enough to have people help me in the really dark times with car rides, food, companionship and medicine. When I couldn’t get up off the floor and walk to CVS for Nyquil, someone brought me a large bottle. When I was facing a lonely Thanksgiving and Christmas, friends invited me to have holiday meals with them. I had student health insurance when I needed it most, during the first part of the year dealing with WC/back issues/asthma. I live one block from the city bus route that takes me right to work, on time. I work with pretty awesome people who are fun to hang out with and let me check Facebook while on the clock. A friend’s mom actually bought me much needed bras for Christmas, as all of mine are very old and cruddy. My aunt sent me gifts cards throughout the year to help me buy necessities as well as entertainment. My fandom friends kept me entertained via tumblr and twitter with witty convos and shared squee. I *did* actually start writing again, in fits and starts, in the fall.
SUMMARY:
All in all my gratitude list is longer; given the trauma of some of the things I went through, I think on the scale of justice the good pretty closely equaled the bad, which was something of a triumph.
But it was a difficult year and December has been a watershed for me in regards to self-realization and personal goals. There are going to be some radical changes here at kimboosan.net as I work to align my day to day existence towards my goals and dreams.
I have big dreams, and for the first time in my life, I refuse to compromise them, naysay them, water them down or pretend they don’t matter. I have a wide variety of interests, projects of every kind across the spectrum that I intend to see to fruition. As I meditated over the course of this month, everything that’s been simmering all year boiled over, including my unhappiness with my health, my complete lack of desire to hold a “regular job,” my need to express myself without restrictions (artistically, sexually, and physically), and my yearning for travel.
My mental breakdown in 2008 began a long slow slog toward this point. I had to travel through so much (therapy, divorce, living alone, grief, grad school, job fluctuations, unemployment, debt, and more) to get here. This point in time is both a culmination and a starting point.
2013 will be an amazing, prosperous, abundant year for me. I intend to live a wealthy life, full of good health and happiness and personal fulfillment. It has taken a lot of hard work to get here, and will require a lot of hard work to make happen. That’s okay: I know how to succeed at what I want to do.
