[welcome to my anti-politics, totally-in-denial-about-election-day blog post. Because the only thing worse than politics is online dating.]
I actually have an OkCupid profile. I’ve had it for years, although I deactivated it off and on for most of that time. I don’t have Match or eHarmony or Plenty of Fish or Tinder accounts, and I honestly hardly ever interact with people who try and reach out to me on OkCupid. Obviously, I’m not taking this whole online dating thing seriously.
(Well. I don’t take dating seriously. Like Groucho Marx, I belong to the school of “I would not want to join any club that would have me.” I think one of the most suspicious things a person can do is claim to want to date me. I’m so out of there.
…I might have trust issues? Maybe. *shifty eyes*)
Anyway, the fun of OkCupid is that it’s lame, with it’s stupid questions and terrible color scheme and weird “matches”. Who takes this seriously? No one. No one takes this seriously. Why would they?
I respect that. It’s how I approach it too.
But there is ONE THING that will get a person blocked right out of the gate and that’s to start an initial introductory message with an endearment: Sweetie, Honey (or any of the 5,000 versions of “hun”), Darlin’, Babe, Doll, Sugar, Luv…etc.
Nope. Not having with that. Kicked to the curb. El blockomundo.
I cannot and will not put any goodwill into someone who does that. I know that people think that’s a little extreme of a reaction to something that is culturally coded as “cute”.
Why is that the worst offense?
Because it tells me that the person doesn’t have any respect for my boundaries. They are throwing out endearments without even knowing me first, trying to horn in on my emotional space without asking permission.
DISMISSED.
They don’t get to explain themselves and they don’t get a second chance, because they have already proven that they don’t care about how their actions affect me. And no, I don’t warn for it either; I don’t want to be “played” by someone who follows the rules up until it inconveniences them. They are either a respectful person out the gate, or they are not.*
I’ve had a lot of experience being in relationships where I am given lip-service about being respected and having a voice while my boundaries (mind, emotions, body) are continually ignored. I don’t just mean romantic relationships, either. At this point in my life I’m experienced (read: old) enough to recognize the signs, and understand the consequences.
Which makes me twitchy-finger-on-the-trigger. I’m not the 19 year old ingenue, nor am I the desperate 30 year old scared to be alone, or the broken 40 year old trying to save her marriage. I’m someone who has learned her boundaries and triggers and desires the hard way, every single time.
So yeah, feel free to hit me up on OkCupid. Chances are high I won’t respond but hey, you never know. Maybe you won’t get blocked!
* [this honestly also holds true for unsolicited dixpix, which I have also unwillingly received and unhesitatingly blocked]
